“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
- Plato
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“I hate mornings and Mondays. And working. But other than that I am entirely happy.”
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.”
Ethel Barrymore
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
“If Monday was a gift, I would happily return it to the person who gave it to me.”
Step one to running a marathon: You run. There is no step two.
-Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
Stephen Hawking
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” —Joey Tribbiani, Friends
"A clever person takes notice of everything; a stupid one makes a comment about everything."
- Heinrich Heine
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
“I’m just a Sagittarius, and we’re kind of spontaneous.
So let’s head out to Vegas and find an Elvis to marry us.”
— Andy Grammer, “Blame It on the Stars”
“Set your clocks at the start of the weekend so that you know just how much fun time you get to have. Then smash your clocks so you won't know when Monday starts.”
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
The number of followers you have doesn't make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12. -- Anonymous
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare." - End Asner
“Let’s face it, I only practice yoga because the classes are always packed with beautiful women.” — Adam Levine
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”
— Sicilian Proverb
"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage." – Marcelene Cox
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“The archer will walk up to you, give you a hearty slap on the back and a wide, friendly grin. Then he’ll greet you with a remark like, ‘How the heck do you manage to look so young when you’re as old as you are?'”
— Linda Goodman
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”—Cameron Esposito
“The road to success is always under construction.”
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“Where are we? About halfway…to somewhere.”
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”
- Walt Disney
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
“There. Right there is where you lost your darn mind!”
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” – @SarcasticMommy4
“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.” —Charlie Brown
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
Go to BabaMail
