People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A Milne
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“Not telling me something because you don’t want to piss me off is probably the best way to piss me off.”
— ScorpioQuotes.com
"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony Burgess
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
"I’m so cool that even ice cubes are jealous."
“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
Navjot Singh Sidhu
“Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I’m having problems you are always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you are always there. Let’s face it. You are bad luck.”
— Unknown
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller
“Never make your favorite song the alarm for Monday morning; you’ll hate it for years.”
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire."
- George Carlin
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s you.”
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck
“There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.”
Anonymous
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
George Carlin
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
“Millionaires don't use Astrology, billionaires do.”
― J.P. Morgan
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
Laughter is the best medicine – unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
Jasper Carrott
“Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels.” — Conan O’Brien
“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'”
Sydney J. Harris
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
"Stupidity has a knack of getting its way."
- Albert Camus
"Stupidity is like a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyone's arguing over where they're going to sit."
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
– Carl Reiner
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
"I'd like to connect with nature but there's no USB port" - Dan Masso
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“If you fall, I’ll be there. Love, Your Mat” -Unknown
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“I used to believe my father about everything, but then I had children myself and now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.”
- Brian Andreas.
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
Go to BabaMail
