"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
Winston Churchill
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.” —Mike Connolly
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
Bill Watterson
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"Taurus won't forget it. Taurus doesn't forget anything."
— Linda Goodman
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Monday again? Is it every week now?”
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels.” — Conan O’Brien
“Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.”
– Deborah Kerr
“I really don’t play well with others on a Monday. Can I skip today and just start again with Tuesday?”
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“That’s not how Aquarians operate. They don’t do things steadily, they are running about one day then comatose the next.”
— Mary English
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
“The archer will walk up to you, give you a hearty slap on the back and a wide, friendly grin. Then he’ll greet you with a remark like, ‘How the heck do you manage to look so young when you’re as old as you are?'”
— Linda Goodman
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“I bought a new jacket for a hiking trip. It’s called a trail blazer.”
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Noel Coward
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
- Milton Berle.
“I think there should be holy war against yoga classes.” — Werner Herzog
"In the morning a man walks with his whole body; in the evening, only with his legs."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
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