"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
Woddy Allen
Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”
– Laurence J. Peter
“Being different is a revolving door in your life where secure people enter and insecure exit.”
— Shannon L. Alder
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.”
– Garry Moll
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." – Clarence Day
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world."
— E. B. White
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“The only certainty in this life is that Monday comes for everyone. A little humor to face at the beginning of the week always goes well. How about starting Monday smiling?”
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“Dear winter, I’m breaking up with you. I think it’s time I start seeing other seasons. Summer is hotter than you.”
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Noel Coward
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"I hate mornings, they start so early."
— Janet Evanovich
“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”
- Amber Dusick.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. -- Robert Orben
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
“If the winter is too cold and the summer is too hot, you are not a hiker.”
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
“Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.”
— Unknown
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
"Funny, I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down."
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
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