"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
Jonathan Swift
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
Gilda Radner
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
— Jim Davis
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." — Henny Youngman
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one."
Unknown
"Don’t worry about what other people think. They don’t do it very often."
Anonymous
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“Monday should be optional.”
“When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry; you’re probably just a little eleven o’clockish.”
– Unknown
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno
“It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”
- Jr. Williams.
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
Montagu's Maxim
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
Go to BabaMail
