“A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” —Dave Barry
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
Spike Milligan
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
“Stupid people will mistake your confidence for arrogance.”
- Habeeb Akande
“To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. ” — W.J. Vogel
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
— Unknown
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake."
— Lewis Black
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.”
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. -- Dante Rossetti
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
- Steve Martin
"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
Anonymous
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!”
“Luckily, today has been canceled. Go back to bed.”
– Unknown
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” - Jerry Seinfeld
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
"Woke up this morning with a terrific urge to lie in bed all day and read."
– Raymond Carver
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
“Every mile is two in winter.”
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Hiking is the only slightly less ugly stepsister of running.” – Lindy Hughes
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
Go to BabaMail
