"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
Rita Rudner
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Thanks to yoga, I now gently stretch to conclusions rather than jumping to them.” – Unknown
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“Excuse me while I have a Pisces moment.”
— Patricia Lantz
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“There is nowhere morning does not go.”
– Leah Hager Cohen
“There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.”
Anonymous
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
Success is like toilet paper; it only seems important when you don’t have it.
Richard Jeni
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend but it sure helps!”
— Unknown
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“The worst moment today has happened. That was when the alarm went off and I realized it was Monday.”
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"A good marriage is like a casserole: Only those responsible for it really know what goes in it." - Unknown
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“So far as I know, anything worth hearing is not usually uttered at seven o’clock in the morning; and if it is, it will generally be repeated at a more reasonable hour for a larger and more wakeful audience.”
— Moss Hart
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“When Chuck Norris does yoga, the sun salutes him.” – Unknown
“Apologizing in advance for the things I say this winter.”
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
“The downside of playing dumb is that you sound dumb.”
- Rachel Maddow
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
Anonymous
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
Go to BabaMail
