“A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” — Terri Guillemets
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
"Stupidity is like a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyone's arguing over where they're going to sit."
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
“If you think I’m funny now, you should see me when I miss Yoga.” — Anonymous
“Dear Mondays, I really think that you should take a holiday. Believe me, no one will even miss you.”
“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
Denis Waitley
“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
- Nia Vardalos.
"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook."
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
Success is like toilet paper; it only seems important when you don’t have it.
Richard Jeni
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams
“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”
– Laurence J. Peter
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“Marathoners: Life is too easy. I must find a way to make it much much harder.”
-Glennon Doyle, best-selling author
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
“Did you nap after eating the Thanksgiving meal? Or did you pass out like you were shot by a tranquilizer gun?” — Jim Gaffigan
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”
– Joyce Armor.
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“I love yoga, but the namaste thing only takes you so far.” — Jillian Michaels
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner." -Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.” -Unknown
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis
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