"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
George Carlin
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.”
— Unknown
“Turkey lurkey doo, and turkey lurkey dap. I eat that turkey, then I take a nap.” —Adam Sandler
“Camping is not a date; its an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.”
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner." – Ben Bergor
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."
Gabrielle Zevin
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Let’s face it, I only practice yoga because the classes are always packed with beautiful women.” — Adam Levine
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. -- G. K. Chesterton
“I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.”
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
“If pessimism is despair, optimism is cowardice and stupidity. Is there any need to choose between them?”
- Francis Parker Yockey
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
“Is it snowing where you are? All the world that I see from my tower is draped in white and the flakes are coming down as big as pop-corns.” — Jean Webster
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Smiling is mouth yoga.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
"Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I'll ever get to yoga."
- Grant Tucker
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.” — Joan Rivers
“The secret source of humor itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.”
Mark Twain
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
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