“May your coffee be extra strong, and your Monday be extra short.”
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“Vacation is that time when you wish you had something to do while doing nothing.”
–Frank Tyger
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
Rita Rudner
The church is prayer-conditioned. -- Anonymous
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
Oscar Wilde
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas."
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“Sagittarians are aliens disguised as humans.”
— Ramana Pemmaraju
Steven Wright
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.” —Mike Connolly
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
"Woke up this morning with a terrific urge to lie in bed all day and read."
– Raymond Carver
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"I always write “Wake Up” on my To-Do-List so I can at least accomplish one thing a day."
– Unknown
"There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, 'Good morning, God,' and the other is to say, 'Good God, morning'!"
– Fulton J. Sheen.
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
"No one betrays a Gemini and gets off without a sound ear-bashing."
— Richard MacDonald
“A day without yoga is like a sundae without sprinkles” — Emma Mildon
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“There are only two seasons – winter and Baseball.” – Bill Veeck
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
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