“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park. -- Curtis McDougall
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee.” – Demetri Martin
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
– Winston S. Churchill
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"People who say “Good morning” should be forced to prove it."
– Unknown
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
Robin Williams
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
“Gardening. Cheaper than therapy (until your spouse adds up the receipts).”
— Anonymous
"Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it." — Richard Whately
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
― Mary Wortley Montagu
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“I got chucked out of yoga class after misinterpreting Half-Moon Pose.” – Unknown
Go to BabaMail
