"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30."
“There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”
Solomon Schechter
"People who say “Good morning” should be forced to prove it."
– Unknown
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
- Alan Dundes
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a bad idea"
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
“God made up best friends because he knew our mom couldn’t handle us as sisters.”
— Unknown
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.” —Howie Mandel
“Camping is not a date; its an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.”
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
“It’s just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. ‘Cause, that’s my fun day. My, I don’t have to run day.”
— Prince Rogers Nelson
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.”
–Arnold Glasow
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.” — Stephen Colber
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
"Stupidity is a talent for misconception."
- Edgar Allan Poe
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.”
— Arnold H. Glasgow
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved.”
Johnny Carson
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
Go to BabaMail
