"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare." - End Asner
“Stretch marks are just rad lil’ lightning strikes here to remind you that you are a force of nature.”
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.”
- Elbert Hubbard
“Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
— Unknown
“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”
Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey)
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“I’m staying in shape this winter by wearing enough layers to be constantly sweating.”
"Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it." — Richard Whately
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.”
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
“Nothing compares to the stomach ache you get from laughing with friends.”
— Unknown
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawnmower is broken.”
– James Dent
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
I went to a therapy group to help me cope with loneliness, but no one else turned up.
Stewart Francis
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
E. B. White
"Insanity is hereditary you get it from your kids." – Sam Levenson
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.”
– Will Rogers
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
"How many Taureans does it take to change a lamp? None. Taureans don't like to change anything."
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious."
— William Feather
Funny Inspirational and Motivational Quotes
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar
"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible."
— Jean Kerr
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning."
— H.G. Wells
Go to BabaMail
