“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -- Fred Allen
“You know, maybe this will be a good Thanksgiving. Just us and the kids. You cook and I’ll watch football with my pants open all day.” — Ray Romano, “Everybody Loves Raymond”
“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.” —Lindsey Bareham
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”
- A Dad, ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."
- Mae West
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
Albert Einstein
"I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." — Rob Delaney
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."
“I really don’t play well with others on a Monday. Can I skip today and just start again with Tuesday?”
“I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.”
— James Lileks
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." – Phyllis Diller
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“Three things that never lie: Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants.” – Unknown
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
- Alan Dundes
“Nothing compares to the stomach ache you get from laughing with friends.”
— Unknown
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Sagittarians are not normally sentimental; however, they can get really attached to a favorite sweater that has seen better days.”
— Therrie Rosenvald
“Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I’m a man of simple pleasures, really.”
– Arthur Darvill
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Clint Eastwood
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
Steven Wright
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
- Professor Irwin Corey
Go to BabaMail
