“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.”
- Oscar Wilde
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“Is it snowing where you are? All the world that I see from my tower is draped in white and the flakes are coming down as big as pop-corns.” — Jean Webster
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." – Bill Vaughan
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
---
"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
George Burns
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
“A day without yoga is like a sundae without sprinkles” — Emma Mildon
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
“We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.”
Antonymous
“On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.”
Anonymous
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
It's not that I don't want to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“A man says a lot of things in summer he doesn’t mean in winter.” – Patricia Briggs
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible."
— Jean Kerr
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
“Running: Cheaper than therapy.”
-seen on runner’s T-shirt
"They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late."
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.”
— Crystal Woods
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.“
Rodney Dangerfield
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder. They pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
Go to BabaMail
