"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“If each day is a “gift,” I’d like to know where I can return the Monday.”
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”
Greenville Kleisser
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
“Yoga is too slow.” — Rob Gronkowski
“All kidding aside, if everyone did yoga, we would have world peace.” — Rory Freedman
“The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.”
- Grant Tucker.
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
"Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
— Bronwyn Polson
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
"People who say “Good morning” should be forced to prove it."
– Unknown
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”
— Sicilian Proverb
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
“Monday again? Is it every week now?”
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“I hope we’re friends until we die. Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the s*** out of people.”
— Unknown
“Monday, you're so jealous of my relationship with Sunday because I am so happy to see you leave!”
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.”
- Jack Handey
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
Unknown
“Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night.”
Rebecca Romijn
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”
- Reese Witherspoon.
"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."
- Ray Romano
"Went outside today. Very hot. There were bugs. Zero stars, would not recommend"
“I don’t like when I'm all stress-free and peacefully relaxing on the couch and then, out of nowhere, Monday comes along and punches you right off the couch!”
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
“Never face facts; if you do you’ll never get up in the morning.”
— Marlo Thomas
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
Go to BabaMail
