"I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
- Fran Lebowitz
“No animal, according to the rules of animal-etiquette, is ever expected to do anything strenuous, or heroic, or even moderately active during the off-season of winter.” — Kenneth Grahame
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.” —Ina Garten
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
Ann Landers
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
“You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.”
Jim Carrey
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
“Dear winter, I’m breaking up with you. I think it’s time I start seeing other seasons. Summer is hotter than you.”
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
Anonymous
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”
- Ray Romano.
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
“Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.”
– Deborah Kerr
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out there is. -- Peter Barry
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
“Do you think Abe Lincoln would have declared Thanksgiving a national holiday if he knew it would mean the Lions play every year?” — Conan O’Brien
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“Good weather all week, but come the weekend, and the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot, they complain; too cold, they complain; and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets." - Joginder Singh
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
Go to BabaMail
