“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It’s the day you forget about all the fighting and division in the world and just focus on all the fighting and division in your family.” — Jimmy Fallon
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
– Winston S. Churchill
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
"I’m so hot that I contribute to global warming."
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me.”
- Jon Bon Jovi
"The closer you are to nature the further you are from idiots.”
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.” -Unknown
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
George Burns
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
"The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise."
Anonymous
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
"There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, 'Good morning, God,' and the other is to say, 'Good God, morning'!"
– Fulton J. Sheen.
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
“I do yoga to burn off the crazy” — Anonymous
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
"When I asked you to water the plants,
I did not expect you'd unzip your pants."
- Mike Garofalo
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -- Fred Allen
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.”
– Garry Moll
"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does."
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
“Monday should be optional.”
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
"Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice."
— Otto von Bismarck
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘D***, that was fun.'”
— Groucho Marx
“Dear Mondays, I really think that you should take a holiday. Believe me, no one will even miss you.”
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Yoga instructor just emailed to say class is moved and thanks for our flexibility.” – Unknown
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