"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“Monday should be optional.”
“When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry; you’re probably just a little eleven o’clockish.”
– Unknown
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno
“It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”
- Jr. Williams.
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
Montagu's Maxim
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something."
— Robert Heinlein
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”
- P. J. O’Rourke
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It’s the day you forget about all the fighting and division in the world and just focus on all the fighting and division in your family.” — Jimmy Fallon
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx
"It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him."
Mike Royko
“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.”
– Markus Zusak
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun.” — Conan O’Brien
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.”
— Unknown
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
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