“Yoga pants. Because jeans are stressful and you don’t need that in your life.” -Unknown
I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.
David Hyde Pierce
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved.”
Johnny Carson
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip. -- Billy Graham
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”
- Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“Being different is a revolving door in your life where secure people enter and insecure exit.”
— Shannon L. Alder
“Almost every Aquarius is a rebel. Give them a guide and they won’t follow it. Tell them there’s a dress code and they’ll show up wearing nothing at all.”
— Alex Dimitrov and Dorothea Lasky
“If Monday was a gift, I would happily return it to the person who gave it to me.”
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!”
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”—Cameron Esposito
"You get two for the price of one when you are a Gemini."
— Karan Johar
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” — P.J. O’Rourke
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
Jonathan Swift
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
Gilda Radner
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
— Jim Davis
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." — Henny Youngman
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
Go to BabaMail
