“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
- A. A. Milne
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them. -- Dave Barry
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible."
— Jean Kerr
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
“I think the perfect gift to give anyone in the winter is a heated toilet seat.”
"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
“The secret source of humor itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.”
Mark Twain
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“I think if we tell people that the brain is an app, they will start using it.”
Anonymous
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“Enjoy every second of Sunday, for when you least expect Monday comes to haunt you.”
“Have leftover Eggo waffles from your Eleven Halloween costume? We’ll show you how to make it into Thanksgiving stuffing. After the break.” — John Mayer
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
“The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.”
-Dave Barry
"It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning."
— H.G. Wells
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” —Robert Brault
“I’m just a Sagittarius, and we’re kind of spontaneous.
So let’s head out to Vegas and find an Elvis to marry us.”
— Andy Grammer, “Blame It on the Stars”
“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Ellis Vidler
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
---
"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
Bill Watterson
The number of followers you have doesn't make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12. -- Anonymous
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money."
— Mark Twain
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
Abraham Lincoln
I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.
Jarod Kintz
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
Go to BabaMail
