"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
– Winston S. Churchill
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” - Cindy Garner
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
"A Cancer's bed is their sanctuary. Therefore, if you can't find them, look under the down comforter."
— Unknown
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
Thomas A. Edison
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde
“You’re making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be." - Anonymous
"The only b.s I need is bikini and sandals"
“Luckily, today has been canceled. Go back to bed.”
– Unknown
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
— Jim Henson
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into then out of." – Bruce Lansky
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"Pay attention to today's horoscope: Saturn is backtracking and it looks like you're going to be screwed again."
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee."
– Terri Guillemets
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
"Bury me next to a straight man."
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“I have decided to cast my vote for any political candidate whose platform adds Monday to the weekend.”
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.”
- Jack Handey
“Excuse me while I have a Pisces moment.”
— Patricia Lantz
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