“Winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.” — Sinclair Lewis
“A best friend is someone who, when they don’t understand, they still understand."
— Nancy Werlin
“Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.”
— Unknown
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“If Monday was a gift, I would happily return it to the person who gave it to me.”
“Have leftover Eggo waffles from your Eleven Halloween costume? We’ll show you how to make it into Thanksgiving stuffing. After the break.” — John Mayer
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"I'd like to connect with nature but there's no USB port" - Dan Masso
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“Marathoners: Life is too easy. I must find a way to make it much much harder.”
-Glennon Doyle, best-selling author
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
“Keep calm and ommm… nonommm…” — Anonymous
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“‘Snow in April is abominable,’ said Anne. ‘Like a slap in the face when you expected a kiss.’” — L.M. Montgomery
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
October, November, cool, cooold, cooooooldest, March, April.
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill
I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.
― Noel Coward
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Insanity is hereditary you get it from your kids." – Sam Levenson
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."
— Bill Murray
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
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