"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.”
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." — Henny Youngman
“How to get a yoga body: 1. Have a body 2. Do yoga.” – Unknown
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Where are we? About halfway…to somewhere.”
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“Demanding something from a Scorpio is a sure way to not have it happen.”
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.”
– A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder!”
Anonymous
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”
- Ryan Reynolds.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“If you like people who do stupid sh#t all the time, become a parent." – Kelly Oxford
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder. They pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin
"I'd like to connect with nature but there's no USB port" - Dan Masso
“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” – @SarcasticMommy4
“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” —Joey Tribbiani, Friends
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable."
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
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