“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
“All kidding aside, if everyone did yoga, we would have world peace.” — Rory Freedman
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
“I only go to yoga to drink wine, so I’m good. I just throw the calories right back in.” – Kaley Cuoco
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“The road to success is always under construction.”
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.”
“You are as helpful as a blister on a hike.”
"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
- Steven Wright
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
"People who say “Good morning” should be forced to prove it."
– Unknown
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious."
— William Feather
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late.
Max Kaufman
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
“When in doubt, yoga it out.” – Unknown
“Did you know the actual difference between hill and hell is just a fine line?”
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
“Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet.” – Roger Miller
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”
- Katherine Hepburn.
Tim Vine
grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance waiting for the bathroom.
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
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