"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
“I used to believe my father about everything, but then I had children myself and now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.”
- Brian Andreas.
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
“I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.” — Anonymous
“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” – @SarcasticMommy4
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” - Anonymous
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
- Ray Romano.
“Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”
- Amber Dusick.
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." – Clarence Day
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”
- Rob Delaney.
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
“Nurse: handing me a newborn You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese” – @mommy_cusses
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." – Bill Vaughan
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner." – Ben Bergor
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”
- Reese Witherspoon.
“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
- Nia Vardalos.
“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest, yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
"Parenting is basically just listening to yourself talk because nobody else is." - Unknown
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
- Carrie Underwood.
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.” - Anonymous
“Ugh it’s so hot!’…gets hit by two drops of pool water ‘splash me again and I’ll donate all your toys.’”
- Salty Mermaid.
“If you like people who do stupid sh#t all the time, become a parent." – Kelly Oxford
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." – Robert Orben
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
“You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
“Can he have this?” With first baby: “Is it organic and homemade?” After second baby: “He can have anything except narcotics and alcohol.” - Unknown
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
“I think every kid thinks their dad is goofy.”
- Judd Apatow.
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” - Anonymous
Go to BabaMail
