“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”
- Amber Dusick.
“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
"When I tell my kids I'll do something in a minute, what I'm really saying is "Please forget." - @SarcasticMommy4
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
“I think every kid thinks their dad is goofy.”
- Judd Apatow.
"If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." – Dave Barry
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” - Anonymous
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”
- Rob Delaney.
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare." - End Asner
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” - Jerry Seinfeld
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”
- Alan Arkin.
“You’re making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be." - Anonymous
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
—P. J. O’Rourke
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield
"The first 40 years of parenthood are always the hardest." – Unknown
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Nate Smith.
“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”
– Joyce Armor.
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
- Erma Bombeck
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
- Carrie Underwood.
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
“Ugh it’s so hot!’…gets hit by two drops of pool water ‘splash me again and I’ll donate all your toys.’”
- Salty Mermaid.
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
—Michelle Pfeiffer
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
"Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away." — Anonymous
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
- Maurice Johnston.
“I used to believe my father about everything, but then I had children myself and now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.”
- Brian Andreas.
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” - Anonymous
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
“I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.” — Anonymous
“Sending your kids to summer camp teaches them important life lessons... like, ‘You can deal with your problems by sending them to summer camp.’”
- Ari Fishbein.
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.”
—Doug Larson
“If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
“As a parent you’ve only got one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole.”
- Chris Rock.
“Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”
- Alan Cox.
“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”
- Jimmy Fallon.
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”
- Reese Witherspoon.
Go to BabaMail
