“If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon
“Sending your kids to summer camp teaches them important life lessons... like, ‘You can deal with your problems by sending them to summer camp.’”
- Ari Fishbein.
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
“I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.”
- Andy Richter.
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
"Parenting is basically just listening to yourself talk because nobody else is." - Unknown
“A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” —Dave Barry
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.” — Anonymous
"Insanity is hereditary you get it from your kids." – Sam Levenson
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
- Milton Berle.
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”
- Ryan Reynolds.
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”
- Ernest Hemingway.
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”
- Rob Delaney.
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest, yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” – @SarcasticMommy4
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
“If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.”
- Bette Davis.
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." – Bill Vaughan
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
“Parenting is a cult. And as a cult member, you can try to explain it to other people, but we just appear like lunatics.” – Jim Gaffigan
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
- Erma Bombeck
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”
- Amber Dusick.
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
- Bill Cosby.
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
—P. J. O’Rourke
“If you like people who do stupid sh#t all the time, become a parent." – Kelly Oxford
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
Go to BabaMail
