“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked! I’m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens.”
— LeAnn Rimes
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
“Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”—Janet Periat
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”—Lee Judge
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” - Phyllis Diller
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”—Mae West
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
Go to BabaMail
