"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”—Mae West
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” —Anne Bancroft
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”
—Yoko Ono
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
"Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets." - Joginder Singh
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
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