"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."
- Thomas Dewar
"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."
- Ray Romano
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."
- Mae West
"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider
"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." – Phyllis Diller
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
"I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target." - Unknown
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back."
- Chelsea Peretti
Go to BabaMail
