"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
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