"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
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