"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
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