"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
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