“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
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