"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
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