"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
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