"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
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