"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
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