"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
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