“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar