“In spring we are on Earth; in summer we are on Earth; in autumn we are on Earth, but in winter we are in another planet; winter is another planet!” — Mehmet Murat ildan
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
“We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing.”
— Unknown
"This is by far your worst idea ever…I’ll be there in 15 minutes."
— Unknown
“I really regret going to a Yoga class today… said no one ever.” — Unknown
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“If you think I’m funny now, you should see me when I miss Yoga.” — Anonymous
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“I think if we tell people that the brain is an app, they will start using it.”
Anonymous
"Resting is a part of the process, even if it’s not a part of the plan."
— Carley Schweet
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee.” – Demetri Martin
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”
– Unknown
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
“There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.”
– Kristen Chandler
“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’”
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
Funny Inspirational and Motivational Quotes
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
“Dear winter, I’m breaking up with you. I think it’s time I start seeing other seasons. Summer is hotter than you.”
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.”
- Jack Handey