"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
"Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
"I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth."
Anonymous
Bob Monkhouse
“It’s been a tough week. I bought myself a memory foam mattress and now it’s trying to blackmail me.”
“Heat, ma'am! It was so dreadful here that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.”
- Sydney Smith
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
“I find being a Pisces a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes! I can talk myself right in and right out of any decision, any subject, any time.”
— Mary English
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
“A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.”
- Bertrand Russell
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.”
— Unknown
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
“I love yoga, but the namaste thing only takes you so far.” — Jillian Michaels
“Why do they call it ‘beauty sleep’ when you wake up looking like a troll.”
– Unknown
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
Montagu's Maxim
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”
- Ernest Hemingway.
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” —Jon Stewart
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away." — Anonymous
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
“Yoga is almost like music in a way; there’s no end to it.” — Sting
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia