“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.”
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
“To hike is to complain.” – Dean Johnston
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.”—Lily Tomlin
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“The smallest snowstorm on record took place an hour ago in my back yard. It was approximately two flakes. I waited for more to fall, but that was it.”
― Richard Brautigan
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“Fine! You guys can all be beautiful snowflakes! I’m gonna go over here and be an awkward snowflake!”
― Robyn Schneider
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
"Your sweat is your fat crying. Keep it up."
From a runner's T-shirt
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
“Arguing with a fool proves there are two.”
– Doris M. Smith
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“Due to lack of interest. Monday has been canceled.”
“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked! I’m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens.”
— LeAnn Rimes
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“You are as helpful as a blister on a hike.”
“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”
Abraham Lincoln
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”
- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
"Going on a hike is like having your car break down but on purpose."
- John Lyon
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.
Rita Rudner
It's not that I don't want to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“Enjoy every second of Sunday, for when you least expect Monday comes to haunt you.”
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
