"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
“I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.”
Roy Orbison
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
— Winston Churchill
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.” - Anonymous
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
“This has been such a Monday! I wish I stayed in bed, and I wish that yesterday had never happened.”
– Lisa Mantchev
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
—P. J. O’Rourke
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”—Mae West
“When Chuck Norris does yoga, the sun salutes him.” – Unknown
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“The bags under my eyes are Prada.”
“No animal, according to the rules of animal-etiquette, is ever expected to do anything strenuous, or heroic, or even moderately active during the off-season of winter.” — Kenneth Grahame
"People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable."
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.”
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
"I'm happier than a seagull with a french fry"
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.”
— Charles Lamb