Funny Money Quotes

Funny quotes and one liners about money that will give you a good chuckle.

Funny Money Quotes

"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard