“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason