"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams