"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle