"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle