"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland